Total pages in book: 13
Estimated words: 12035 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 60(@200wpm)___ 48(@250wpm)___ 40(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 12035 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 60(@200wpm)___ 48(@250wpm)___ 40(@300wpm)
2
I found the door I was looking for and knocked before turning the knob. The plaque on the door said Josephine Bissette. Figures, some chick behind this damn door was about to fuck up what was left of my peace joy and love. Merry fucking Christmas to me.
There was a female sitting behind the big ass desk with a mountain of paperwork in front of her and a chip on her shoulder. “I’m sorry customers aren’t allowed in here sir.” The fuck, I look like I shop in the local big and tall to you?
I should’ve just turned and walked back out. I could tell the judge, if he got a burr up his ass, that she sent me away. But I wasn’t in the mood to go before that asshole again any time soon. No respect. A man spends his life defending his country on foreign soil but gets this shit for defending a female here at home.
“Name’s Grant Lorenz ma’am judge as…I mean Judge Larsen sent me over.” She looked over the top of the ugly ass glasses she was wearing and studied me up and down. Just say the word lady and I’m out this bitch. I don’t wanna be here any more than you want me to be. She made some kinda huffing sound in her throat before getting up from the desk.
“Fine, just give me a minute and we’ll go over your duties.” What duties? I thought all I had to do was sit my ass down somewhere and let half the brats of the free world fart on my damn lap for six or seven hours. The more I thought about it the more I leaned towards the prison term. A couple months of R and R can’t be that fucking bad.
Ms. Bissette looked like a sexually repressed bitch with something up her ass. She fooled around with some papers before picking up the phone and calling somebody else. I’d already parked my ass in front the desk even though she hadn’t offered, no damn manners. Probably on the rag. She hung up the phone and decided that I was worth a few minutes of her time. Like I needed this shit.
“So Mr. Lorenz, it looks like you’ll be with us for the duration of the season. The other gentleman fell ill at the last minute so you’ll be doing us a huge favor.” Yeah, it was my choice to be in this fuck. She gave me the spiel while eyeing me down like she thought I was gonna rob the joint and I wondered what the fuck the asshole who’d sent my ass here had told her if anything.
There was a knock at the door and she got up to answer. Some chick came just inside the door with a garment bag in hand, gave me the hungry look and waltzed her ass back out. Ms. Snippy came back and passed the bag off to me and my gorge rose. This was it, ride or die. I wasn’t in the mood to do either. I opened the shit just because and threw it back across her desk.
“I’m not wearing that fuckery.” What a fucking insult. I ought to find that judge and bitch slap his ass to Mozambique.
“Then how pray tell are you supposed to play Santa?” She folded her arms and looked at me like I was in kindergarten. I wish she would.
“Fuck if I know but it ain’t gonna be in that.” I should tell all those little bastards that this shit ain’t real. Put myself out my fucking misery. She’d have to fire me and the judge can’t hold me in contempt for telling the truth. I know my damn rights.
“Listen I didn’t want to bring this up, but this is part of your deal with the court and we are in fact the ones doing you a favor. I don’t have time to argue with you all morning. Some of us do have work to do. So what’s it gonna be?” Those hands went to her hips and I could just see that stick going higher up her ass.
“Maybe if somebody bent you over that desk once in a while and gave you a good reaming out you wouldn’t be so pissy.”
“That’s it you’re out of here.”
“Sorry sweet cheeks, judge’s orders.” Oh she was steaming now. I bet she was accustomed to giving orders to her lackeys around this hell hole. She was fuck outta luck with me and that shit. I haven’t taken orders from anyone in a long fucking time. Except ma, and the asshole judge. Fucker.
“The judge didn’t say that you were allowed to be offensive.”
“The fuck I know what he said? You got something else I can do around here, like maybe get that stick out your ass? Because that shit right there is just not gonna happen.” I pointed to the offensive bright red suit with distaste.