Total pages in book: 143
Estimated words: 130275 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 651(@200wpm)___ 521(@250wpm)___ 434(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 130275 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 651(@200wpm)___ 521(@250wpm)___ 434(@300wpm)
My heart was beating too fast and I couldn’t focus. I didn’t know what to do for the best. I wasn’t sure I could leave Savannah. “You have a real chance at happiness, the both of you,” Leo said, speaking straight to my heart. “Let’s make Harvard, this fall, the goal. To be with Savannah again. When you’re healed and can give her your everything.”
I could see that. Us both happy and healthy, dealing with our grief at college—the college we were fated to be at together. I wanted that. I wanted that so much that it was suddenly all I could see.
He knew I was teetering, then pierced me when he said, “You don’t want your love for her to be lessened by sorrow. You don’t want her to have to share you with residual darkness. Come with me, let us help you, and then give her your entire—healthy—heart. Give her you entirely.”
Those words knocked the air right out of my lungs. Savannah deserved the world. She deserved to be loved totally. Leo waited patiently for my response. “Okay,” I finally rasped out, my heart breaking as I did. It wasn’t what I wanted. I just wanted her … but I needed to heal.
I had to do that alone.
Leo exhaled in relief. “You’ve made the right decision, Cael. I’ll give you ten minutes to pack your things. I’ll go and make the final arrangements.”
Leo left the room, and I stood on the spot for a few, silent minutes. I couldn’t make my feet move, like they were protesting what I was about to do. But just thinking of making it to Harvard this fall, Savannah beside me as we lived happily and pain-free and didn’t just exist … it had me moving in seconds. I threw my clothes into my bag and looked back on the room, on the impression of Savannah that was still on the bed. That girl loved me, and I would prove to her that I could be in this with her. One hundred percent. That although young, we could make it.
Seeing a hotel notepad on the desk, I ran over and wrote a note to my girl. I just hoped she understood. I was breaking our pact. I was keeping something from her again, leaving her without a goodbye. But as much as it hurt, as much as my soul was screaming at me to stay safe in her arms, this was important, to us both.
Taking my wallet off the desk, I stared down at it, feeling the heaviness of Cillian’s note to me inside. Without overthinking, I yanked it out, gasping for breath when I saw his familiar handwriting and the seven words that had destroyed me for the past year. It had haunted me, plagued me and eaten away at me until I was nothing but a mangled mess. I didn’t want to live that way anymore. I was done with it.
Welcoming one final surge of anger, I ripped the ticket into pieces and threw it on the ground. It was an albatross to my healing, a weight that was pulling me down.
Grabbing my bag, I walked out into the hallway and found Leo in reception. I immediately looked for Savannah. Maybe I could just see her face one more time. Just a glimpse. Maybe if I just got to kiss her one final time, I would have the strength to leave and not fall into her arms.
But she was nowhere in sight and, deep down, I knew that it was all untrue. I’d take one look at my girl and I’d fight to stay. I’d stay and suffer and things would only get worse for me, for her, until my pain consumed us both. She deserved to be free. She’d come too far for me to hold her back.
I just needed time to catch her up.
“Mia took them to a restaurant away from the hotel,” Leo said. “They won’t be back until we are long gone.” My heart filled with sadness.
I forced myself to leave the hotel, my heart demanding to turn around. But I fought to get on the bus and sit next to Leo. In seconds, we pulled away from the hotel, and lit up, in the distance, was the phone booth. The phone booth that exposed me and showed Leo and Mia that, for me, the journey was only just beginning.
Taking out my cell phone, I resisted dialing Savannah’s number and instead made a long-overdue call.
“Cael?” Dad’s voice came over the speaker, and my chest felt like it was ripping apart as his familiar sound settled over me.
“Dad …” I said, voice croaked.
“What’s wrong, son?” Dad’s voice was panicked. I heard my mom in the background, expressing her worry too.
“I’m coming home,” I said, and Leo put his hand on my shoulder in support. “I … I need more help. And I’m coming home.”