Total pages in book: 90
Estimated words: 85274 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 426(@200wpm)___ 341(@250wpm)___ 284(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 85274 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 426(@200wpm)___ 341(@250wpm)___ 284(@300wpm)
My thoughts flit to hearing my baby’s heartbeat in the hospital, seeing his tiny body on the screen...and I know I don’t mean the words I just said. That night changed my life in so many ways, including giving me the baby I’m carrying. He’s only been a part of me for a short time, but I already love him something fierce.
“You didn’t do anything wrong,” Raelyn says.
“I snuck into his sex club, one I’m not a member of, and had sex with Lincoln without being on birth control. Something that’s required to be a member. Then, I got knocked up. What part of that isn’t wrong?” I feel like we’ve had this same conversation more times than I can count, and I’m sure she’s sick of having it with me, but I appreciate how she continues to support me every time I freak out and debate whether or not I should tell Lincoln and my sister. Raelyn is the definition of a true best friend, and I don’t know what I would do without her in my life.
“Okay, well, first of all, even if you had been on birth control, it’s not one hundred percent effective, so you still could’ve been in this position.” She shrugs. “And you didn’t set out to hurt anyone. You just wanted to feel whole again, and Lincoln is someone you trusted to help fix what was broken. And look on the bright side.” Her eyes go wide. “It worked!”
“It worked? It worked?” I splutter, sitting back up. “That’s what you’re focusing on, Rae? I’m pregnant with Lincoln’s baby.” I lift my shirt and show her the tiny bump as evidence. “And when my family finds out, they’re going to hate me.”
“Stop,” she chides. “Your sister could never hate you. She loves you. And you need to tell them soon because we graduate next week, and you’re supposed to be moving back to Tesoro for good.”
“Or maybe I don’t move back,” I say. “I can tell them something came up and I can’t make it to graduation, and I won’t be moving back home. I can tell them I took an unexpected job.”
“So now you’re lying to them?” Raelyn raises a brow. “You can’t not tell him, and lying is only going to make it worse. Besides, you already admitted to being completely yourself that night, which means the woman Lincoln fell for is you. That has to mean something, right?”
“It means he’s going to be pissed when he learns it was me.” I sigh in frustration. “Damnit, I need more time to figure this out. Maybe it’s for the best if I stay here. It’ll give him time to get over his mystery woman so then he won’t feel pressured into being a part of this baby’s life once he does learn the truth.”
Raelyn nods. “You know I’ve got your back no matter what you decide.”
I spend the night tossing and turning, trying to figure out what to do. Grades close the next morning, and with the credits I’ve earned, I’m officially a college graduate.
In the afternoon, I go to my three-month checkup where I hear the heartbeat again, which only has me falling even more in love with my baby boy. As I listen to the whooshing sound, I wonder if my mom felt an ounce of the love I feel when she was pregnant with me. And when I think about the answer, I come to a conclusion regarding the matter at hand.
“I’m staying here,” I tell Raelyn when I walk through the door. “Lincoln didn’t ask for this, and the last thing I want is to force him into fatherhood.”
“I understand what you’re saying,” she says, “but I think you need to leave that up to him.”
I place a protective hand over my little bump, remembering how my mom used to treat me. “I was a mistake, Rae, and my mom made sure I never forgot that. I won’t put my baby in the same position, risk him being looked at the way my mom looked at me—with regret.”
I pull out my phone and send a text to Sienna. I know it’ll hurt her but it’s for the best.
Ellie
Hey sis! Sorry to do this, but I got an amazing job opportunity and had to take it. Unfortunately, that means I won’t be able to attend graduation, and because it’s for the entire summer, I won’t be coming home. I’ll call you soon. xo
Within seconds, she responds:
Sienna
Was looking forward to seeing you graduate and spending your birthday with you, but I get it. I just want you to be happy. If anything changes, let us know and we’ll be on the next flight out. I look forward to hearing about your job, and just know, this will always be your home if you ever change your mind. Love you.