Total pages in book: 28
Estimated words: 26170 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 131(@200wpm)___ 105(@250wpm)___ 87(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 26170 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 131(@200wpm)___ 105(@250wpm)___ 87(@300wpm)
Jeannie sniffed before flipping a lock of long blonde hair over one shoulder.
“Then like I said before: the rumors are pure horse-shit. You know your Aunt Emily isn’t exactly the most truthful person out there. Didn’t she serve time a couple years ago?”
Jeannie nods.
“Yes, because she was behind on child support, but it was just a mistake. Something happened with her bank, so the checks bounced and—”
Jeannie shrugs again, cutting our friend off.
“That’s what everyone says. It was just a mistake, it was an administrative error, it wasn’t my fault, yada yada yada. The person I really feel sorry for is your cousin, who probably went hungry that month. But I don’t think we really need to talk about this subject anymore, do you? It’s clear our double-dicked mystery man is just a piece of fiction, and belongs in one of your romance novels. He doesn’t exist in real life.”
The rest of us nodded in agreement, murmuring amongst ourselves because (1) sometimes it’s just easier to agree with Jeannie, and (2) the story did seem pretty far-fetched. After all, how can a double-dick even be anatomically possible? I’ve never heard of anything like it before. Seriously, it sounded like some eerie genetic mutation that would make for a good exhibit in a freak show. Or, the whole thing was total speculation, and somehow the story had gotten mangled in its retelling.
But the Junior League meeting was a few months back, and the rumors haven’t stopped. If anything, they’ve gained momentum, and when I was sitting in Café Roma last week, two women were bent over their coffees, gossiping in excited tones.
“Anna said she fainted when she saw it,” the first woman whispered. “He was huge in both directions, and she didn’t think she could take it.”
“Faint!” the second woman replied. “I would do more than faint. I’d whip my panties off and get right onto it! Ride ‘em, cowboy! How do you think it would feel to be stretched in both holes at once?”
I strained my ears, trying to hear more, but at that moment a bus boy interrupted me.
“Can I take your empty cup, ma’am?” he asked diffidently. I almost snapped at him because I was going to miss the best part! But I merely smiled politely.
“Yes, please do. Thank you so much.”
Then, I perked my ears again, trying to eavesdrop, but it was too late. The women had gotten up from their seats and were trotting out of the café, while whipping imaginary lassoes over their heads and riding pretend-horses Gangnam-style. Everyone was watching them, but they didn’t seem bothered. Heck, if I had juicy information like that, I wouldn’t care who saw either. I’d be out on the prowl, looking high and low for this special double-dicked monster.
Which explains why I’m at the police station now. I know it sounds crazy because who heads down to the station for a reason like this? I haven’t been charged with a crime, nor am I under arrest for suspicious behavior. But the Allentown PD surely keeps tabs on anything weird out there, and maybe they know something that the general public doesn’t. Maybe they’ve charged someone with public indecency, or vulgar acts. Maybe they even have a photo of this man. I don’t know, but I’m willing to ask.
I step inside the station and smile winningly at the front desk clerk.
“Hi, I’m here to speak with a detective.”
The blue-uniformed woman snaps her gum, eyeing me under her octagonal cap.
“Which one?”
I shrug.
“Whichever one is on duty, I suppose.”
“What for?” she says in an exasperated voice. “Are you reporting a crime?”
“Not exactly,” I say. “But I have information…”
She shakes her head, rolling her eyes.
“I’m sorry, but you’ll have to be more specific. Our officers are busy.”
I nod, holding my hands up.
“I totally get it. Of course. Let’s just say that I have information that could lead to a crime.”
“Lead to a crime?” she parrots sarcastically. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Okay, okay,” I amend. “Not lead to a crime exactly, but it could inform us about other crimes. I hate to be so vague, but it’s a sensitive issue. You have to trust me on this.”
The woman narrows her eyes at me until they’re nothing but slits, but then shrugs and cracks her gum again.
“Fine. Officer Lane is on duty,” she says. “He’ll speak with you in an interrogation room,” she says, jerking her thumb over her shoulder. “Sign in first, and he’ll be with you in just a sec. I’ll let him know you’re here.”
Nodding my head, I hurriedly print my name on a clipboard before moving towards a nondescript wooden door in the hallway.
“Thanks, I appreciate it.”
Then I step into the room, and shut the door. The interior is pretty much what you’d expect: fluorescent lights, and a metal table with two chairs. But there’s no two-way mirror, so I know we won’t be watched. Or at least, I hope not.